My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
