Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
