The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
