Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
