Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
