So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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