I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
