sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
