I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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