i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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