Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
