at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
