Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
