Need sex. Gaining weight.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
