just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
