Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
