The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Buhtt sex?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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