I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
