I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
