piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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