And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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