my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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