I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
