he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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