It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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