Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
