At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
