Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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