before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
