this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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