i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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