I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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