dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize