That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
