I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
