I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my shit smells like andre
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
