My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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