I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
