I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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