8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
