Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My vagina just clenched in fear
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
