Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
