Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize