Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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