All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
