Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
