Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize