he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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