I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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