Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
