Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
