He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
