hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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