Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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