just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
