I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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