Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
