Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
