wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
