I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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