Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I puked a lego.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
